Jon Kabat Zinn Guided Meditation

Before you begin your journey, this Thanksgiving, take 20 minutes to listen to a guided mediation. Note: There is some moments of silence, just be patient and continue your meditation. It is not completed until you hear the final three bells.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Mindful Driving

Drivers are more and more dangerous on the streets and highways than ever before. The notion of mindfulness has begun to be the buzz word of the day and so I continue to think about this as I am behind the wheel. What would it look like if we all drove mindfully?

When you go to your car, truck, or whatever mode of transportation you might work in (subway, semi, train) it is important to focus on the task at hand. First, thinking consciously about your vehicle when you turn it on. How does it sound? Do you have enough gas? Do you need lights on? What are the road conditions that you are about to embark on? Have you sufficiently prepared your self for the weather of the day with proper clothing? I think about pilots when they are about to fly and all the preparations that go in to getting off the ground. You are the pilot of your vehicle and the same attention must be paid to the safety of your self and others. While you may not have 300 passengers in the rear, you have hundreds to thousands (i.e., LA) of people next to you on the road.

Every time you get behind a wheel, it is important to be conscious of these things as your mindset will affect the lives of so many people. And not just those on the road directly but their families who will indirectly bear the burden of the decisions you make.

As you enter the street, from your own driveway, thinking about the world you are about to embark on. Who is coming out of their driveways? What is on the road in front of you? Do you need to keep a watchful eye for animals (deer, squirrels, domestic pets), in your neighborhood? Of course don’t forget children on bicycles or playing on sidewalks – is their ball going to slip out onto the street and then they go running after it? Mindfully taking in all that is around you.

When you get to the end of the street it is important to stay behind the stop sign. If there is no stop sign, you are still mandated to stay at the end of the street, not out into on-coming traffic where people will now have to get over to go around you, thereby making it even slower for you to turn right or left. When you are causing traffic to re-route for your decisions, it causes more stress on everyone around you, including your self. This also causes people to then be mindful of every street corner, expecting people to come racing out and being the cause of constant braking.

Traffic lights are extremely important to focus on. If you are unfamiliar with the neighborhood, don’t race through the yellow light that may only stay that way for a few seconds. Going through a red light puts an entire intersection in danger and it is playing Russian roulette. What good does it do your body if you smash into another driver who had the green light? If there is a storm and the traffic lights are out, there are rules for crossing the street. Each side takes turns as you then become mindful of an imaginary stop sign. It does no one any good if you are in the middle of the street, five cars deep, sitting there so that no one has a chance of crossing. Most states have laws about blocking the streets in traffic (with or without a light that is working).

As you enter the entrance to the freeway/highway/interstate, whatever you code this federal or state boulevard. Mindfully focusing on everyone around you. As we learned in Driver’s Ed, what is happening in front, to the right, to the left, and in behind? Watching all directions and paying attention to what is going on. When you are switching lanes, have you indicated this with your lights? Is there at least a car lengths space between you and the driver in front and back? With more than three lanes, what is the guy to the left doing? Is he also trying to get into the same lane you are going to? For those behind the car trying to switch lanes – giving them the common courtesy of getting over. If you are in a merge lane, this means you have an imaginary yellow light (you take caution when approaching on-coming traffic). People on the freeway are not meant to put on their brakes so merging traffic can come in. It is best when those on the freeway can get over for merging traffic, if that is possible but when you have a merging lane and an exit lane in the exact same place, this is rather difficult for all involved. Again, being mindful of driving carefully and cautiously of all around you.

Traffic for work – we are all going to work, you are no exception. Driving at the pace of others will do the least amount of damage if we are all focused together. Whether you are five minutes late or fifteen minutes late, you are still late. You still run the risk of getting written up by your boss. If you are thinking that you need to race to be a few minutes less late, you are putting others in danger and run the risk of hitting someone. Then you will likely be up to an hour (or more) late for causing traffic damage. Racing to get to work also causes stress on the other drivers around you. Those people who are driving mindfully and were conscious of leaving at the correct time that day, are having to be distracted by your mistakes. People become nervous and when this occurs they make mistakes too. Some people on the road are brand new drivers, going to their first jobs. Dealing with people who are racing to work can cause an inexperienced driver to have an accident at your expense.

Racing to get to work and racing to get home. You are racing to get somewhere that many people don’t want to be at and then you race to get home to complain about this. How much of your life is wasted by racing? How would your day be at work if you were mindfully driving to get there? How would your evening be at home if you were conscious of being in the car on the way home? Your life exists behind the wheel, not just what happens after you get out. The saying “Be Here Now,” means that. There is also another favorite quote “Life Wastes Itself When we are Preparing to Live.” When you arrive out of breath, you have missed out on minutes of your life that you can not get back.

Take care of yourself on the way to work or where ever it is you are headed. Have nice relaxing, calming music playing to help you be mindful of the road. This type of music also helps people to be less stressed. It doesn’t matter what genre the music is in, if you feel happy and want to smile, then this is the music for you. For long trips, use audio books to enjoy the time in a quality way. There are also CD’s to learn a new language. What a wonderful and different way to travel.

Mindful driving would change our world and make us a part of the world around us.  Without mindful driving, we are merely one person against others rather than one person amongst others. Think of this the next time you get behind a wheel. You might just end up saving a life today.

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Technology and the Relationship to Self

Today’s couples are being destroyed by their fingers and thumbs with secret texting, email accounts, online pornography, cell phones. It is not even in the closet in some cases as they are doing this right in front of each other; on their beds. Modern technology is destroying lives more than ever before. Where we once rolled our eyes at shoppers who had no cell phone etiquette, now we can be baffled by families who lose all sense of identity, values, concern for self by being addicted to a computer. Is this the real world now? Have we lost all sense of self control?

What is happening is that people have learned that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want and it doesn’t matter who gets hurt in the long run. The narcissistic impulses are motivated by reality TV. People with no talent who suddenly crop up on your screen with nothing of value to add but plenty of soul smashing piquing a voyeuristic delight. On the same taken zombie Sci-Fi has risen to a new glory which mirrors our society of the moment. Where will this all go? What is the future of this hedonist lifestyle?

We make fun of Republican Christian families who have managed to cherish homespun values with religious fervor (not all of these people have 19 children) and put them down for holding on to beliefs that have been sacred for centuries. People who actually have manners and dress like women and men and children and behave somewhat responsibly in society. Forgetting that there is such a thing as freedom of religion and speech. Even though I am not of their culture, it does not mean that I should not respect them for maintaining some decency in our world of freaks.

We have come to a place where we idolize pipe dreams and are walking away from spirituality. When we do embrace spirituality, it is only to create a cliché and somehow turn it into fashion, a marketing scheme, a capitalists dream come true. How to become rich selling yoga to the masses.

The modern self is a lost soul. Taylor Swift says “Blank Space.” I would say a blank page. And with a blank page you can begin to write – on paper, with pen or pencil and begin to feel your body once more. Return to the body, embrace the self, breathe. Become conscious of the self so that you can see the world around you once more – outside of the box on your table or lap or that thing held between your fingers.

Stop and smell the roses

Before there are no roses to smell. With hybrids, it is often difficult to find a flower that has a scent unless you are walking in the woods – untouched paradise, aside from the trail and the rangers station, there still are places that are sacred to all, no matter what you believe.

We should all be grieving now, except some people don’t remember, have never known. Some are focused on a screen and it hasn’t even occurred to us how ridiculously small that screen size has become.

Put it down because it is already too late but you can still make a change. You can be the one who sets the pace and makes a difference in the world by demanding a better future for your self and your family. If you don’t have a family find people around  you to spend your life with. In the real world, not online. Cherish your partner, your children, your friends, your family and embrace them before it is too late to know who they are and before you lose them and have nothing left. It won’t be easy to turn this around, not as easy as stabbing at keys with your thumbs but it will be a challenge that you will feel gratification from in the long run. Life is not meant to be easy, families are not a TV show, you are not the only one in pain or feeling alone, or with this ailment or this life. Embrace what you do have and become an expert in it. Figure out how to be the best at who you can be, with what life has dealt you, with what you have chosen to have. Choose to have love, wealth, health and happiness and don’t expect this to be what you see online. Don’t expect – create with what you have. Take responsibility for your life. Own it. You don’t need to “share it” with anyone except those around you who matter most.

This means people in your house.

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Lauren Bacall on Relationships

This is a long video and you need to turn up your speakers as the sound isn’t great. But I think the first 4 minutes has a lot to say about being in a relationship, being alone and then it goes on to talk more about men and her life.

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Don’t Text and Drive

This is a new documentary by Werner Herzog that EVERY driver should watch. We need to bring back common sense to driving and remember that there are other people on the road. Nothing is more important when you are driving then keeping your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road. When you lose someone to a car accident, like I have (not because of texting though), you are more mindful of driving. It should not take the loss of anyone to understand public safety.

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The Wonderful World of Sandplay

sand tray photoOver a decade ago I was introduced to “Sand tray” work (this is a different process than Sandplay that I am studying now), during my practicum at John F. Kennedy University. I took a training on this interpretive process and began to put it into practice at our counseling center.  We had a special sand tray room dedicated for practicing this work with our clients. At that time I was rather fascinated by this modality and what came up in the tray. Then I got a job in social services and went away from therapy for many years.

Recently, I met a trainer here in Columbus, Barbara Brugler who has re-awakened my passion for this work. She teaches Sandplay work (which is not interpretive). As a result, I am now on the path to becoming a certified therapist. This is a very long process which involves a certain number of classes, personal work in the sand and a supervisor to consult with me on the trays I do with my own clients. In the end, I have to write several papers in order to be approved for certification. What I love about this process is that they mandate personal work in the sand and that there are rules to follow. Rules work for me, or I should say knowing my limitations.

What I also love about Sandplay work is the unconscious process that takes place with the client. We don’t analyze the symbols they put into the tray. Not then anyway. Also, a client of any age can do Sandplay and it is especially helpful with trauma. Many people I work with who have been abused, or traumatized by some other type of experience, get to a place where they have said enough and aren’t sure where to go next. The Sandplay experience is a way for them to take a risk of working through these past issues without talking about it. It can be re-traumatizing when we go into our memories and dredge up all those scenes, tastes, unwanted touch and scents.  As a result there will be somatic reactions in the moment that include holding the breath. There can be nightmares, flashbacks, and dissociation as well. Then of course, you have this “a-ha” moment and then what?

How Sandplay works is I show them the sand tray and I show them the objects on my shelves. I tell them to look at these symbols and choose whatever ones seem to want to be picked up. They take them to the tray and make scenes that appear to come out of nowhere. I have heard “I don’t know why I chose that but it seems to need to go here.” This is perfect. I tell them that it is not important why they chose something, just to let the process happen.

My job is to take notes and once the session is over I take photographs of the tray, just like I write notes about the session – for documentation purposes. I then put the objects away.

What draws me in this work, is that I feel like I am in someone’s dream. Since I do dream analysis, this is my first time to watch it come alive. Only it is not their dream, it is happening right this minute. Or maybe it is their dream. The dream that has been happening for many years but they can’t seem to remember it. Or they do but can’t explain it. I suppose I will find out over time.

I also find that this work allows the inner child to emerge. For myself as a therapist and my clients, we are in the sand playing, metaphorically speaking and they are doing mindful work in a non-linear way. Doing these actions in silence (without interpretation) allows room for the client to grow without feeling exposed.

Ordinarily, I do not like silence as a therapist or as a person. Sandplay intrigues me in the sense that the room is actually very loud, again metaphorically speaking. So much is going on! If you can imagine being deaf and going to the circus. This is what it feels like when I watch the client in motion with the objects.

This is all that I have discovered thus far. Stay tuned for more to come! In the meantime, go to Sandplay Therapists of America (STA) and if you are not in the U.S., go to the International Society for Sandplay Therapy. This practice is Jungian based and has been around since the 1950’s. It was founded by Dora Kalff after studying at the C.G. Jung Institute in Zürich, Switzerland. Sandplay is also based on her studies of  Tibetan Buddhism and working with Margaret Lowenfeld in England.

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Saying Goodbye to a Child

FTVThe most significant event in my life and that of my immediate family, was May 24, 1987. This was the day that our beloved baby brother, Ferenc Tibor Végh, who was only 16 years old, was taken from us in a car accident. It shocked all of us and took each of us in varied turns. None of us have ever quite gotten over it and I doubt anyone else, who faces such an ordeal has been able to either. You do move on because you have to but the way you carry the memory depends on your ability to persevere through the obstacles life places on you. None of us are meant to live in Shangri-la. We all have tests of “faith,” or will. Our level of emotional intelligence will have us either survive or give up.

You have to survive though, you have to realize this because there are others who will come into your family over the years. We have added 5 nieces and nephews and now have four grandchildren and two more on the way. It is important that your descendants know about the person who has passed. That you keep this loved one’s memory alive by teaching them who he was and what he meant to your family. If you don’t, than their life meant nothing. If you don’t grow as a person than you have lost everything and your family has lost more than a child.

No child hopes that their family will fall apart and never find an ability to repair itself. That is not the values you raised your children on and they would hope you would continue instilling these principles. A positive and healthy family legacy must continue, even in the face of your darkest moments. And if your family has not been healthy and has been negative, it is times like these where you can become better people, to honor the memory of your loved one. Remembering in a happy way, is the best way to go forward.

It has been 27 years since the passing of my brother. I have kept his photo in my front room this entire time. Anytime someone sees it, they ask who he was and then I am able to tell a story about his life. At first it brought many tears and many questions when I saw it there in front of me on a daily basis. Now it brings a smile to my face as I think about what a good child he was. It reminds me to be a good person for him. It also reminds me that life is not one to take for granted. Any day your life could change for the good or the bad.

Suggestions for family and friends, when it has just happened:

1. If you know someone who has just lost a child, surround them with support. Make sure they have food, transportation, offer to help make the arrangements.

2. Keep in touch with them as much as possible throughout the days and weeks ahead. Watch out for signs of not getting better emotionally. Do they talk about death or joining their loved on? Make sure to give them suicide hotline numbers, call their spiritual leader and ask for help or to share with them your concerns. Create a family/friend check-in schedule so that they are never alone. If no spiritual leader is involved, talk to the head of the family and let them know your concerns. You can contact a hotline as well and ask for help. In a worse case scenario, you can always call the police and ask that they check up on the family. (not 911 unless it is an emergency)

3. Stop by unannounced with food or a favorite dessert or something to drink. During the mourning process people can easily dehydrate from their emotions. If they are on medication to sleep, this can also make them lose track of time or needs. Check the medicine bottle to make sure they are using the required dosage. It will have the date it was purchased and the quantity in it. People will say they want to be left alone but they shouldn’t be. Even if you just stay long enough to see how things are. If the kitchen has not been cleaned, start washing the dishes. You can mow the grass, bring in the mail, take out the trash. Tell them you will give them their space but you are just going to help out with some odds and ends, so they don’t need to worry about it. (Leave the child’s room alone though).

4. Stop by for things you normally did together – hobbies, watching sports, taking other kids to school/activities, work-out routines. It is important that people get out of their house when they are ready. Nature is the best healing method, next to animals. Go for a walk with a family member. Ask them if they’d like to go somewhere. Maybe there is a horse ranch nearby that would allow the public to visit.

5. As time passes, don’t tell them they should get over it or to “move on.” Everyone grieves in their own timeline. Sometimes people are getting stronger but they still talk about it and they need to. Tears are healthy as it lets the emotions loose and eases somatic distress in the long run.

6. As the months progress, continue to keep in touch for at least a year. Back off as you see that things seem to be returning to a daily routine but still keep in communication as much as you can. A house can seem normal but it isn’t. Over time, people will clean their houses to cope or do outside chores but their minds are not necessarily strong yet.

7. Don’t give advice unless it is to say, do the best you can or some other positive message.

8. Don’t push religion on the family!!!! They are going through enough as it is. If they ask because they have been brought to question life, answer but don’t offer.

9. If a person speaks of seeing their loved one, even when they are very religious, don’t see this as a bad thing. This can be the most comforting to families – having dreams of the loved one or seeing them and talking to them. I have spoken to people who still get visited (on occasion) by the loved one 30 years later. If they don’t get a visit or a dream, don’t be discouraged by this either. Even Harry Houdini never came back to visit his wife and they made a pact that they would.

Friendship and family, when you love and support them unconditionally, help get people through these times and will make your relationship with them even stronger.

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Alternative Practices in Ohio

Gift of Light Expo  is coming to Columbus this March (the link shows other cities in Ohio as well). This is a nice way to get a taste of various holistic treatments by talking to those practitioners that interest you and learning more about them. Most will be doing mini sessions at low costs so you can spend the day being pampered and catered to. Many of us who became holistic practitioners began by attending these events.

I remember my first adventure at the “Whole Life Festival,” in Los Angeles in the 80’s. At that time, due to the location, I saw one up-coming and now famous actress and I watched the wife of another big celebrity write a check for something else. It was quite neat. You won’t get this in Columbus but this isn’t the point of attending. The first time I got a chance to attend something like this, I learned about a world I was just beginning to be curious about.

Back then, I had already been engaged in hatha yoga practices for a half-dozen years. I was seeing a holistic doctor and taking vitamins. At the festival, my introduction to Kundalini Yoga occurred. I spoke to a lady who owned a store called “‘Objets d’Art and Spirit,” which was on La Cienega Blvd at the time (across from the Beverly Center). It looks like she has now moved to Sunset Blvd. At her original store, we ladies gathered in the back room and awakened our Kundalini energy with various asanas and engaging in what we call “breath of fire.” This was to have a huge impact on my life.

Gift of Light Expo will also have mini workshops on various topics. There will be tarot readings, mediums and other psychics. This is a place to let your mind wander and soak up lots of unique and interesting information that you might have thought about before but weren’t sure. If you aren’t in Ohio and are reading this, check in with your own states convention centers to see when something like this will be coming to you. Or just pop down to your local occult shop or metaphysical store and ask.

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Angry Daughter, Narcissistic Mother

“In my day families stayed together,” so sayeth the character Violet, played by Meryl Streep. Violet is in denial yet at other times she is very ruthless about how horrible her mother was to her growing up. As a result of this, Violet has grown up without being nurtured by her parent, without love and an ability to trust someone. Thus we see the makings of a Narcissistic mother. In order for a child, who has grown up like Violet has, to soothe herself, she must externalize the pain and give it somewhere to go so that she can feel safe as a little girl. Then she grows up to have a family and all hell breaks loose.

In comes Barbara, her eldest daughter played by Julia Roberts. Barbara has lived a life with a woman who has never said she was sorry for anything. Barbara grew up being told she could never do anything right and thus she continued to try to do the right thing over and over again, only to fail in her mother’s eyes. Her father washed himself daily with alcohol, in an attempt to drown in his sorrows. A man can never be “the man,” in a marriage to a Narcissist. He had to defend his wife to the children he loved. A man should not be disrespectful to his wife, even if she is to him. While Barbara desperately needed her father to be there for her, he couldn’t even though he wanted to. She knew this but learned to accept that he could never be the father she craved. Her husband couldn’t play that role either. When women leave the home searching for a partner, without first finding themselves, the man they are led to is their father and those same unmet needs.

Barbara escapes to this new world with a husband. Running away can provide distance and hope. She could make herself believe anything in a world she creates all her own. The truth is there and she wants to believe it is not but over time, not having a father or mother to turn to, in times of need, the pain slowly crawls up inside her. She can’t turn to her husband either, because he doesn’t know what to say to her or how to give her the love and nurturance she so desperately craves. He continues to disappoint her and eventually she tells him, until he is so sick of hearing it that the marriage becomes a wash and the fantasy of her story continues to be passed down to her daughter. A daughter who has no empathy because she just can’t understand the years, the generations of what went wrong in her gene pool.

Barbara has come to realize finally that she is all alone, the bitterness has swelled up inside of her womb, her breath wreaking of the bile that lingers in her throat, she becomes more and more cynical over time, as reality will just not go away.

When her father takes his own life, she is forced to see herself in the mirror for the first time. She wants to believe that she is now in charge yet once again she is reminded that as long as Violet has a breath to breathe, she has no power at all. Her world crashes around her but then she drives off in the end, left to deal with the pain. The result will be that she will go off into her new world, alone with her anger and tears and the madness of living on a daily basis; knowing that she created this mess herself.

“Thank God we can’t tell the future. We’d never get out of bed.” Barbara, the angry daughter who has begun to see that her world will never change.

Unless of course, she enters into psychotherapy. Preferably with a therapist, who empathizes, too much, with the angry daughter.

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The Knight in Shining Armor

Who rides horses these days anyway? If you own them and live on a horse ranch, that is one thing but otherwise, I don’t see many of them around. The knight is a warrior who is going to be off at war somewhere, battling for power so that the king can have more land.  All those fairy tales that are beautiful to read and give young girls hope and older women goosebumps, do you ever wonder what happens the next day? Snow White, Cinderella, the guy has known them for a couple of days, sometimes it is just a kiss on the cheek and then they are thrust into this expensive wedding and the movie is over.

It was the story of Princess Diana that finally made me wake up and smell the coffee. She is the first royal fairytale that made feminist history by speaking up.

Her wedding looked exactly like all those Cinderella stories. Then we found out her husband had been sleeping with another woman before during and after their marriage. I get a stomach ache every time I see Camilla photographed with the royals these days. I want to cry as I see her holding the baby, standing there at the wedding, and Lady Di is nowhere except a ring on a finger. It is Princess Diana’s story that moves me more than any other and it is a story that should cause all of us to wake up and smell the coffee.

Mariah Carey thought she would try to imitate Princess Diana (before she was divorced) and made the designers copy the gown. This marriage ended in a divorce too. Warning: Don’t try to copy people, you don’t know what they are like on the inside.

For men I write this: When you reach out to “protect” the vulnerable woman you must realize that your arms are going to get tired over time. How long will you be able to reach out? Will it be reciprocated? Do you really want someone who needs to be taken care of, when, in this day and age, you can find someone who is your equal? This job can get really weary, when the need to be protected continues to up the ante.

Being a knight made sense in days of old when women had two choices in life 1. Marriage, 2. Spinster. There were very few jobs a woman could get and this was not acceptable to a woman of privilege.  1. Prostitute, 2. Governess, 3. Washer Woman, 4. Seamstress.  She had to choose a knight over love because if she chose love, she might end up getting a job. This story only became romantic because of writers who penned stories to put their kids to sleep at night. Perhaps it was the early manipulation of young girls by their dads, making light of the challenges ahead.

So I ask you, what is the point of continuing to chase after a man like this? The knight. Does he even exist? Usually when I deal with women whose husbands are in the military, police, air, or some other long distance travel for work, they aren’t too happy. Long distance relationships very rarely fare very well. In the age of internet, a guy and a gal can take advantage of their loneliness very easily.

Marrying a prince, King, it isn’t going to happen unless you just happen to be involved with royals or live in a tiny country. Marrying for wealth – what is his personality going to be like? He will have been raised as a spoiled child and will be rather boring in his inability to have any sense of self or pride. Since he is used to being catered too, he won’t have any knowledge of why he should take care of others – he can pay someone to give you gifts, if he even thinks about it. Of course if he doesn’t think about it, his assistant will and can explain that it is protocol and will look good if people find out he has given gifts. This guy is also a child at heart and who wants to be a babysitter?

The women he has been with will be those who are only in it for the money. You’d have to wonder what type of woman does this and should you be vaccinated ahead of time? He will do much better with someone in his own class, someone who understands him and the lifestyle. She will want to combine the wealth, build on the families power and the genes of course will produce good heirs. Don’t buy into this story about the current Duchess being a commoner. She came from a very wealthy family. She most definitely was not on the dole and she does not speak with a cockney accent. What it means is that she has no royal genes, that is all. Common people in the UK are not living the life of privilege that she has known. She does however have a sense of humility and frugality and this gives her a touching image of elegance and stability. She also seems to have excellent skills in diplomacy for the way she appears to have good relationships with her in-laws. She was definitely raised with social graces, wit and charm.

When a guy is nouveau riche, he is uncomfortable with money and either sticks it up his nose or burns holes in his pockets. A person who is new to money does not generally have any class, though I will give him some respect if he has taken training on how to behave in society. Of course there are some who were just born with common sense but don’t expect this. Intelligence and luck have got them where they are but because they have money, they want someone who is easy to deal with. This means lots of compromising – on your part.

If you are looking for the right guy, you won’t get any tips from watching television shows about trophy wives who beat each other up. Your role model won’t be girls competing to have sex with the one guy who happens to be single in the mansion either. Families who petition to get on a television show to make money 0ff of their lives have an extreme sense of entitlement and no sense of self.

You will find the right guy by looking at your self and determining what you like and don’t like in a suitable partner. You will find him by hanging out at events that you enjoy, because if he is there, he does too. You will find him because he looks at you and comes up to talk to you and has respect for you. He will continue taking the time to get to know you and will be interested in what you have to say. This isn’t a one time conversation in the back of a car it is an ongoing conversation of getting to know one another before you actually become intimate. Building a friendship is the key here.

If you absolutely must find the Knight in Shining Armor and are not paying attention to anything said here, than at least do two things – get a degree by going to college, not signing up for a class online and learn to speak another language. This puts you above most other women and provides  you with admirable skills. Men are intoxicated by intelligence. If they are not, you don’t want to be with them anyway. A man who does not find interest in a woman with capabilities, is a worthless sort who will end up nowhere in life.

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